So you are one of those wonderful people who still sends snail mail holiday greetings. Your cards and list are in front of you, your pen is in hand, and stamps are at your side. Everything is going swimmingly until you come upon a person/couple on your list who has had a loved one die during the past year. Should you send them a card, you wonder?

Good question, and one I have never addressed on TalkingGrief.com. 

Again, we are running our holidays series for readers who are newly bereaved. Our hearts are with those of you, as well as those who still struggle to get through the season without a significant loved one.

Holidays (in no particular order):

• 10 Seconds of Silence for Those Who Loved You into Being
• Bing Crosby may not sing “White Christmas” this year, but you will get through it
• What to do for the Holidays: Throw Everything You Own onto the Floor
• Memory Bears
• Coping with the Holiday Season after the Recent Death of a Spouse
• Staying Level During the Holidays
• The holiday season is over!
• What do I want for Christmas?

If you liked this post, please forward! Thanks!

Vicki Panagotacos PhD, FT is a grief counselor and life transition coach.  She writes for her blog, TalkingGrief.com, is founder of BestGriefBooks.com, and author of Gaining Traction: Starting Over After the Death of a Life Partner.

We Californians are used to fire.

We watch the news and our hearts go out to the firefighters’ seemingly impossible task of containing a fire that rages through acres of uninhabited forest.

We hold our breath when fire rips through a wooded area where homes are tucked, and we grieve for the residents.

But we who live in Northern California have yet to get our arms around the tragic firestorm that recently leveled entire communities, took lives and displaced so many.

Where we live is sacred to us, no matter how small. “Home” isn’t just a place, it is also a feeling. We always assume “home” will be there for us at the end of the day. It is a place where we relax, find comfort, and feel safe. It is our anchor. How often do we say to ourselves, “I can’t wait to get home?”

This morning I read Francis Weller’s post, “Everything is Burning.” Francis is a Northern California therapist who lives Santa Rosa – one of the communities that was engulfed in flames. He writes beautifully about the “soul-shaking” trauma that hit Sonoma and Napa counties, and he suggests how to cope with what we can’t control. Take a few minutes to allow Francis to open your heart.

Everything is Burning, by Francis Weller

Post: 10/23/2017

These last few weeks have seen radical changes in the physical and psychic landscape of Northern California. The fires that began late Sunday night, October 8th, quickly engulfed homes and dreams, woodlands and security. Many of us awoke in the middle of the night to the acrid smell of smoke, sensing that something was wrong. Only later, with the dawn light, were we able to see the extent of this disturbing truth.

The German word for trauma is “Seelenerschütterung,” which means “soul-shaking.” Clearly, our souls have been shaken by this catastrophic event. Everyone has been affected, whether we lost a loved one, a home, a beloved pet, our place of employment, a trail that we cherished or simply our sense of faith in the ordinary assurances of daily life. No one in our community has been spared the sorrows that have fallen upon us like ash. We are living in a collective field of sorrows that will take a long, long time to metabolize.

Hello Everyone –

Here is the update on Eve finding her Adam.

A wonderful mother and son story. But a person doesn’t need a son or the internet – nor do they need to go international – to develop a relationship after a death or divorce. (IF a relationship is on their “to do” list.)

They do, however, have to place themselves where they can touch the hearts and minds of others.

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KPwPZVee-s

Sending love to all of my readers. May you have a good week!

PBS’s Next Avenue columns are always worth reading, but the following article is particularly relevant.

Are you sure you have all the necessary documents in place regarding your incapacity? Your death?

Do you understand why is it wise to update certain documents?

Do you work with clients who could benefit from receiving this information?

The Biggest Estate Planning Mistake People Make

By Brad Wiewel, estate attorney

So often the bereaved can’t, or don’t, talk about what is important to them. This week’s Jane Brody NYT’s column, When a Partner Dies, Grieving the Loss of Sex, tackles one of our society’s taboo topics.

For anyone who is recently widowed – and for those of us who work with the bereaved, Brody’s column is a must read.