My earlier death and dying continuing ed classes often included psychiatrists and psychologists who admitted they knew little about grief. They were stuck in concepts such as closure, which doesn’t happen (and why should it if you cared for someone), and Kubler-Ross’s 5-stages, which were developed for coping with terminal illness not grief.

But the larger issue to be learned was how grief isn’t limited to the loss of life. In fact, we grieve the loss of anything we value or count on – which brings us to Covid.

In any case, western society isn’t good at grieving. Most often we simply hide it or hide from it, and the result can be depression, anger, substance abuse and even suicide.

Non-Death Driven Grief

As the news continued to cover Covid death, we came to realize how Covid living was loaded with loss.      

The most obvious loss was the daily routine. But there is also the loss of physical and mental well-being from the burn-out among general labor, healthcare workers and parents juggling jobs and home schooling. Also the loss of socialization and companionship especially for the elderly who can’t see family. These are only a few of the losses for the living that have led to a loss of morale.

One major loss, however, has had little press—our loss of certainty.

Below is excerpt and three poems from the recent New Yorker piece on Amanda Gorman’s new book Call Us What We Carry:

When Amanda Gorman read her poem “The Hill We Climb” at the 2021 U.S. Presidential Inauguration, she became both the inheritor of a long tradition and a herald of something new. Her verse, as vibrant and elegant as her yellow coat against the cold, illuminated the imagination as well as the occasion, confirming her as a worthy successor to several other Black women inaugural poets writing to and for an American ideal—a lineage traceable all the way back to Phillis Wheatley, who, at the dawn of the Republic, addressed a poem to then General George Washington. As Gorman acknowledged this country’s contested history, and its contemporary tumult, her invocation of the plural pronoun “we” reminded us that, for good or literal ill, our lives are connected. Hers was an invitation to move forward together.

“Strive to make people happy that you are here…” Robin Williams

In this terrific video Robin reminds us to be aware of what we find precious. His words are basic, wise… and so precious. 

Below is an excerpt from a recent edition of Culture Study, a column written by Anna Petersen. The essay really hit home for me – how hard won it was to become a modern woman—sometimes to the point of needing help and forgetting we can ask for it. 

I might add that, however, that it helps to partner with someone who is willing to fill the volunteer fireman’s position, but in any case having quarantined for so long – all of us have gotten the idea that it is up to us to isolate and be singularly responsible for taking care of ourselves.