Recently The Atlantic magazine published an article “In Grief, Try Personal Ritual” about the positive influence of private ritual for people dealing with the death of a loved one. The article’s author quotes Joan Didion from her book The Year of Magical Thinking, which is about how she survived her husband’s unexpected death from a massive heart attack. No mention is made, however, of the fact that Didion’s only child died a mere 20 months later.

Crying doesn’t mean you are weak

How often does a song remind you of your spouse—and bring you to tears? You might think this is a bad thing. You might think that if you start to cry you will never stop. You might want to change your mind.

96-year old Fred Stobaugh writes a song to his deceased wife

Green Shoe Studio sponsored a songwriter contest asking people to submit videos of their original songs, promising to professionally produce the winner. Fred Stobaugh read the contest ad in his Peoria newspaper and decided to participate. Unable to send a video he mailed the lyrics of “Sweet Lorraine” to Jacob Colgan at the Green Shoe Studio.

When Jacob received Fred’s entry he couldn’t resist: he decided to put Fred’s lyrics to music. The rest is history. Below is the link to Diane Sawyer announcing Fred had been chosen as the ABC News Person of the Week.

http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/96-year-widower-writes-song-late-wife-sweet-20124017

After “Sweet Lorraine” was produced Fred said, “The song really helps me. It really helps me. It just seems like she’s just sort of with me. I know she’s smiling, she’s smiling down and she likes that song, I know.”

View this Tribute of Love on YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN8B0gCpi3o

Whether you are in your 40 and 50’s or in your retirement years, each age group has its own challenges.

The younger you are, the more time you have to create a new life. On the other hand, the younger you are, the more likely you are to have school-age children at home. Because the death of a parent is a life-shattering event for a child, you might subordinate your own grieving to care for your grieving child. In addition, you carry the stress and ultimate exhaustion of trying to fill the roles of both mother and father. Neither situation lends itself to getting your own needs met.