Today I was reading the Sunday New York Times and came upon a story about Gary Gotlin, the NY Richmond County Public Administrator and Commissioner for Staten Island—the man responsible for handling the county’s residents’ estates who die without a will and/or without living relatives to claim their body for private burial.

Since 1999 he is also the man who has made sure no stillborn baby in his district is buried in a mass grave in the potter’s field.

The article includes a picture of Gotlin on a day he was burying 10 abandoned stillborn babies picked up from local hospitals. In the picture he is standing near a line of little white caskets with flowers on top – each with a nameplate—because he buries no one without a name, even if he has to make one up. (I have provided the link to the NYT’s story at the end of this post so you can read some good news in the middle of our current global chaos.)

To everything there is a season, and a time and purpose under heaven; a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
— Ecclesiastes 3:1

It would take an entire book to explore how religion does or does not influence a person’s life after the death of a loved one. Some individuals maintain their faith uninterrupted; others find their faith shattered (especially an untimely death or long-suffering protracted illness); still others feel a need to redefine their faith. Some have no religious affiliation yet maintain a strong sense of spirituality and, lastly, there are others who experience neither a religious or spiritual connection.

Crying doesn’t mean you are weak

How often does a song remind you of your spouse—and bring you to tears? You might think this is a bad thing. You might think that if you start to cry you will never stop. You might want to change your mind.

The fade of the casserole brigade

When someone we love dies we are thrown into a state of confusion, doubt and anxiety. We don’t know who we are or how to act—now that we are no longer a spouse, sibling, parent or someone’s kid. Often the only saving grace comes from knowing that we can count on close friends to come to the rescue—if we do take a real emotional header.

And then the calls, emails and invitations taper off.

Remembering what you didn’t experience & passing it on

No child escapes inheriting positive and negative family legacies. Some stories are openly shared from adult to child, one generation to another. Some are never told because the emotional pain is intolerable and the story becomes taboo. Even though the unmentionable event may remain undefined, later generations nonetheless live with the “fallout” of the hidden legacy. In effect, they “remember” what they didn’t experience—directly or indirectly.

You will never forget this short animated video

After watching you will “at least” know how to act better—even if you don’t believe it’s necessary

Social researcher Brene Brown and illustrator Katy Davis help us understand the difference between empathy and sympathy. This video compliments an earlier TakingGrief.com post about the difference between authentic supportive listening and highlighting what is “good” about another’s personal crisis. Brown calls these off-base “comforting” comments “as least” statements.

If you have a few more minutes, listen to Brene’s funny and fascinating TED video presentation on shame, vulnerability and connection.