FRANK OSTASESKI & THE AIDS CRISIS

One of the straight men who cared for dying gay men

Frank Ostaseski founded the San Francisco Zen Hospice Project in 1987 during the AIDS Crisis. It was a time when much of the medical community was afraid of its patients, and families disowned their sons and brothers. Thankfully Frank was one of the straight men who created space and cared for the dying gay men.

Years later I was happy to see that Ostaseski was the keynote speaker for a Santa Clara University conference I was attending. Even though his appearance was the first since suffering a serious heart attack, his presence was strong and solid. When he finished I wanted to hear more, and registered for his annual Cultivating Presence retreat in Marin County, California. The week was a mix of workshop and silent retreat. On the last day Frank, a practicing Buddhist, introduced his Five Precepts for living, caring and healing. I think you will enjoy reading them.

Ostaseski’s Five Precepts

Part of you is here and part of you might have drifted away to the middle of nowhere… where there is no time… and there is no place… in the middle of nowhere. Nowhere is such a fine place to be because nowhere else can be so free. Later you may have to be somewhere, sometime, but not now. Now nowhere is fine.

This is a place you can visit often if you like. It is a place of healing.  Healing is different than curing. Healing comes from within—out.

And as you move forward there are five things you can do to keep the cycle of healing going.

1. Accept everything and push away nothing.
   In welcoming everything you don’t have to like what’s arising. It’s actually not your job to approve or disapprove. It’s your task to trust, to listen, and to pay attention to your changing experience. When you do this at the deepest level, you are cultivating a kind of fearlessness. Since you are always entering new territory with no idea of how your journey will turn out, why not open to the mystery. And risk and forgive—constantly.

The Golden Gate Bridge: When Living Art Becomes a Way to Die

• A higher railing was recommended for the Golden Gate Bridge, but it was overruled.
• The four main arguments against a GG bridge suicide barrier
• What is the rail height of the newly opened SF-Oakland Bay Bridge span, and how many months did it take to discuss the suicide issue?
• Was architect Donald MacDonald overruled or was the new Bay Bridge railing height his preference?
• Why should we care?

Close to 1,600 people have committed suicide off the GG Bridge since it opened in 1937. The year 2013 saw the highest number of suicides since the first man took his life three months after the bridge opened. In spite of the numbers, it has taken almost 70 years for the bridge and transportation agencies to agree to install a suicide barrier. The motion to approve funding came from the former bridge district director John Moylan – whose grandson, Sean, jumped to his death this past month.

NPR Radio Series On Being: Contemplating Mortality

This week Krista Tippett interviews Dr. Ira Byock, physician, early advocate for hospice and author of several books focused on end of life issues. Byock talks about his maturing view of death and his evolving belief that we need to get back to accepting death as more than a medical experience.

Other topics explored in the interview:

• Death is not usually a medical mistake.
• Dying isn’t simply to be suffered; rather it is a gritty difficult unwanted vulnerable and valuable human experience.
• We need to understand the distinction between healing and curing, and that a person can be well as they die.
• If we can be present with the dying experience of another, we are sharing a sacred experience.
• The four most important sentences in any language are:
  • “I forgive you.”
  • “ Please forgive me.”
  • “Thank you.”
  • “ I love you.”

Listen to the full 51 minute interview.